5 Reasons Having Big Lungs Is Totally Awesome

Lungs are great. They use miniature little Avioli balloons to absorb Oxygen into the bloodstream via Haemogloben. For Oxygen, it's like jumping into a ball-pit with blood at the bottom of it. Loads of fun.

I happen to have very large lungs. Having been exposed to various lung steroids as a medical response to childhood asthma, my lungs developed and expanded to 150% of the normal expected capacity. At first I was sour, bitter, angry at the doctors. How could they have overlooked the fact that pumping a 12 year old kid with steroids would result in such dire side-effects? Even so, it wasn't long before I began to see the positive side of having freakishly large lungs. 


Here are 5 reasons why having huge lungs is totally awesome.

Large lungs are usually accompanied by a large, menacing chest. With a chest the size of a refrigerator you can get away with pretty much anything. Frightening small children is easy when the Hindenburg is docked in your ribcage. From being clearly visible from space to barging your way through to the lifeboats of a sinking ship, a menacing appearance is an incredibly useful trait.

It took me an embarrassingly long time to discover that Buoys are called Buoys because they are buoyant, not because they look like fat little boys floating in the water. Being buoyant is incredibly useful and could even save your life some day, in the event that you are drowning or recovering underwater buried treasure and being pursued by man-eating sharks. Large lungs provide a general immunity to the schemes of Jafar, the Mafia and tidal waves.

It's common knowledge in most educated circles that the apocalypse will be largely funded by evil, power-mongering robots and that they will attempt to destroy mankind through fumigation, or, in the words of New Zealands second most popular comedy folk duo, by "poisoning our asses". This isn't a problem for those of us who are endowed with a prominent pair of oxygen retention chambers. One deep breath prior to annihilation and the apocalypse becomes a fun filled, comedic look at how futile resistance to the superior robot-beings is.

Cyclones can be really destructive. They tear up trees, destroy homes, aerate soil. In short they're a pain in the infrastructure - that is, for people who don't have awesome, over proportioned lungs. Those that do have large, formidable lungs can feel secure in knowing that they are exempt from the destructive capacity of cyclones, tornadoes, people with vacuum cleaners, gusts of wind, etc...

And that is why having big lungs is totally awesome.


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